How did I get here? Why do I feel so distant to God when I used to feel so close in the past?
The past two years of the pandemic have been a once in a generation whirlwind, upheaving every area of our lives. A great shifting and sorting have shaken the world and settled us all into a new normal. And through all the disturbances of lost jobs, cancelled plans, dreams deferred, sickness and death, new perspectives, record levels of anxiety and substance abuse, therapy sessions, deep reflecting, broken relationships and political fission……you may have noticed or maybe not that you might have gotten off track, maybe a little bit or a lot. And the specific track I am referring to is
God’s track for your life. The purposes, plans and calling God has for you may have gotten cloudy or lost completely.
It certainly happened to me. Starting this blog is a God given assignment I received in 2020 during quarantine. But admittedly, I got distracted and got off track. Now, in the fresh new year of 2022, I am back ready to finish a list of things I startedAnd what I found so scary now looking back at how I drifted from what I knew was God in my heart is how easy and subtle the drift happens. Doom strolling replaced my devotional time and choked the word of God. Isolation released the thoughts I held captive and magnified the lies, doubts and fears. You turn to the ways and methods of the world because these are unprecedented times and is God even paying attention?
For me, I am truly grateful for how God has positioned me and provide during the pandemic. I was able to work from home and being at a biotech firm, one I had never heard of until I started working there, had one of the most financially blessed years of my life so far with the numerous spot bonuses and promotion, more on that later.
But because I was not intentional in my relationship with God, I did not put Him first, instead, placing it on autopilot. After series of events in the last quarter of the year, I received a revelation from the book of Ezra that confirmed how I got back on track with God, and you can too.
1. Fasting
“Then I proclaimed a fast there at the river of Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from Him the right way for us and our little ones and all our possessions. For I was ashamed to request of the king an escort of soldiers and horsemen to help us against the enemy on the road, because we had spoken to the king, saying, “The hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him, but His power and His wrath are against all those who forsake Him.” So we fasted and entreated our God for this, and He answered our prayer.”
Ezra 8:21-23 NKJV
In my experience, fasting brings spiritual clarity like no other and brings powerful revelations that empower answered prayers perfectly in the center of God’s will. That is what happened to me August 2021 when and the end of a 21 day fast it became abundantly clear that I had gotten off track. I was stubbornly fixated on getting my MBA after getting caught up in the rat race and comparing myself into a restless FOMO spiral that only more education and money could solve. So, most of the year I devoted hundreds of hours to GMAT prep and application prep, school rankings and virtual info sessions. Never did I ask God is taking two years out of my life to go to my dream school in NYC was the best path for me.
To be honest, I never had peace about it and being even more honest, I didn’t ask because I already knew the answer. So, I labored on in my carnal pursuit without the favor the comes with following God’s plan all the while putting my faith and self-worth into getting a 700 score on a test. But then only a few days after the fast, I applied for another internal job at my company on a whim, something I never thought to do in five years working there. It was a position on a team with a former manager and the role was exactly the work I wanted to do and a promotion. I was fast tracked though the HR process an in the new role in 2 weeks with a pay increase 2xs the amount I was told was possible for an internal move.
As much as I was excited for the new role and pay, I felt the biggest release lift off me. This was not coincidence. God provided the same income I would expect coming out of grad school after two years with no debt. I felt like I came out of a trance. I knew going back to school was wrong. I was given an out. The stress and pressure was gone. God made it clear to stay because He had other plans for me.
2. Find your Tribe
“Then the heads of the fathers’ houses of Judah and Benjamin, and the priests and the Levites, with all whose spirits God had moved, arose to go up and build the house of the Lord which is in Jerusalem. And all those who were around them encouraged them with articles of silver and gold, with goods and livestock, and with precious things, besides all that was willingly offered.”
Ezra 1:5-6 NKJV
Iron sharpens iron. When two or more are in agreement. A three-chord strand is not easily broken. Bad company corrupts good habits.
Finding and walking with people who are headed in the same direction makes it a lot easier to stay on track to your destination. You can look out for each other, make sure no one gets lost, or takes a wrong exit. Encourage each other along the way. I’m reminded of cross-country road trips I have taken. You have a driver, someone in shotgun to help with navigation, someone else as DJ to keep the hits coming. Someone to manage the snacks. When the driver is tired, someone else can take over. And all the cost can be split making it cheaper for everyone. Plus, the conversation, laughs and good company to make the long journey feel short and way more enjoyable. The same is true in our walk with God. There are people God also wants to walk with on the specific path He has you on.
3. Prophetic Reminder
“So the elders of the Jews built, and they prospered through the prophesying of Haggai the prophet and Zechariah the son of Iddo. And they built and finished it, according to the commandment of the God of Israel, and according to the command of Cyrus, Darius, and Artaxerxes king of Persia.”
Ezra 6:14 NKJV
As I was reading Ezra, the section that stood out to me the most, and spawned the revelation that inspired me to write this post, was when the prophet Haggai had to prophesy to Israel how they still had their assignment to finish in rebuilding the wall and temple. Israel had stopped building the wall, something God had stirred their hearts to do, because enemy nations plead with the king to stop them because the enemy was afraid of Israel’s rise if the walls were rebuilt. And for a brief moment, the God given assignment to built the wall was halted. But when a new king came into power, Israel, under the prophetic words from Haggai, started rebuilding again. After the new king looked into the records and found the original decree allowing Israel to rebuild, he decreed and empowered Israel to finish what they started.
The enemy will do everything in his power to distract, discourage or delay what he knows God is calling you to do. For me, I was called and stirred to start this blog in 2020 and to write books that I have yet finish. I have paused due to my own admitted laziness and stubbornness and excuses but I also know some of it has been spiritual attacks from the enemy.
But after reading Ezra and looking back on how I know have the passion and drive to finish what I started, with the blog books and more God has called me to do, I am committed to staying on track in 2022 and seeing the completion of the works God has moved in my spirit to do.
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