*takes deep breath. Says a prayer. Here we go*
Faith and the Golden State
Hello. My name is Brian Mockabee and welcome to my blog: Faith and the Golden State. I never thought I would be a blogger. “Blogger” – a frequent target of my ridicule - I would file under the category of “Instagram model”, “influencer” or “actor” or “writer” – euphemisms for the unemployed.
And to be honest, starting a blog was the last thing on my mind when I was counting down to the new year and failed to make my 2020 new year new me list. And then coronavirus came and everything shutdown and somewhere in the middle and a pending existential pre-mid life crisis of turning 30 as I sit most days alone in my apartment, working from home, I began to ponder some things.
Specifically, there was a day during the first week of the shutdown as I was working from home that I would have the book of proverbs playing in the background. There is something powerful about the word of God that stirs up epiphanies and treasures God must be longing to reveal to us if we would just shut up and listen.
I would share what I was thinking with my roommate who is in the same boat of desperately trying to make a career change more in line with escaping the cog in the machine of working a 9-5. Listening to the bible didn’t directly lead to this blog but did so indirectly-it led me to fast. A 7 day water only fast. I’ve fasted many time before and honestly this was one of the easiest. (I’ll be sure to share my experiences with fasting in other posts). Many things were revealed to me during this past but the one most relevant to this post is where I got the idea to start a blog/podcast that would solve a few things:
Break my writer's block and procrastination that has been a major hindrance to finishing an epic fantasy novel I been working on since I was 13.
Build an audience and online presence for said book by laying out the spiritual themes in the book as well as how I’ve developed my relationship with God during the process
Now you’re probably wondering did I really need to go on a fast to figure out that a writer writing a blog is a good idea?
Well, yes and no. I have always known having a blog, or twitter and other social media presence is basically a must in the current landscape of publishing. Already having a fanbase would absolutely benefit in getting published. What I gained during the fast and in this time of quarantine is the freedom from my fear to have my words, ideas and opinions out in the world.
I did not realize how much fear I had and what it was stealing from my life. I am an extremely private person, shy and introverted. Rejection is a perpetual thorn in my flesh, beginning with not being raised my father, that paralyzes be from writing, relationships, obeying God and so much more.
I’ve never believed anyone truly liked me or wanted to be with me. I never found my thoughts and opinions to be understood or valued or worth sharing. So I found comfort in being alone and silent, where it was safe from rejection. I would stand in terror in social environments that physically drained me and made me feel more alone than being alone.
But I am silent no more.
What do I have to lose? Nothing. And if I did, it would greatly be overshadowed by the unlimited potential God has given me. Whom shall I fear?
So whether this blog is meant to serve as a way for me to chip away at the strongholds I’ve built on fear or “find my people” that can relate to my experiences and benefit from my stories and commentary or a way to make it big, I don’t know….God knows. And I am excited to enjoy my freedom and enjoy the ride God has me on because He has never failed me and always exceeds my expectations.
I would love for you to join me and learn from one another. So until next time…